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Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 09:04 pm (no subject)
Amber's new icon: Mr Depp says "FUCK YOU!!"
It's funny though.
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Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 08:37 pm (no subject)
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
bloombaby111 goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Willy Wonka.
_lelia gives you 18 yellow cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
_trolley gives you 14 light orange cherry-flavoured gummy bats.
deppsassistant gives you 10 yellow tropical-flavoured jelly beans.
egyptianesque tricks you! You get a wad of paper.
katecho gives you 6 teal spearmint-flavoured gumdrops.
mag4399 gives you 4 teal mint-flavoured hard candies.
metroamour gives you 12 dark blue spearmint-flavoured gumdrops.
nirvana17 gives you 7 light orange orange-flavoured wafers.
plastiqueen gives you 3 dark green lime-flavoured gummy fruits.
pure_black_rose gives you 8 green peach-flavoured nuggets.
bloombaby111 ends up with 82 pieces of candy, and a wad of paper.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.


haha katie b*tch! you are meany!
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Mar. 23rd, 2005 @ 06:13 pm the clouds are in my way
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: aerosmith///crying
I didn't talk for three hours this morning. I just don't feel connected to all of you. I feel like a different species.
Cuts healing. They are extremely red and bleed a lot more than usual. I must have done some hard work. they are so deep. they scare me.
i think i must have woke up on the wrong planet. everyone is so different. i feel very isolated..
"the clouds are in my way".
thank you.
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Mar. 22nd, 2005 @ 05:21 pm ....inner thunderstorms....
Current Mood: negative, confused & bleeding
Current Music: john mayer///split screen sadness
I decided to do a Useless Depressive Rant because I feel pretty damn shitty right now:

"Why am I trying to give if no one gives me a try?
Why am I trying to see when there is nothing in sight?
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die?..."
--Tupac

Today was completely fuck. I'm serious. We had a class meeting about Prom, which set me off on the wrong foot. It depresses me. I mean I know people say "go, you'll have fun" but I don't think so. I'm terrified of it. Show up and get humiliated. Don't show up and it's the real thing--that you don't fit in and that nobody gives a fuck about you, and you know it. So the class officials (ha ha) were going on and on about how much fun we have there but then I just couldn't take it. I had to leave, I had to go--I had to get up right then and do it. I managed to wait a minute then run into the art-wing bathroom, where I promptly took my new razorblade and wreaked bloody havoc on my legs. I stained my favorite socks and my pants, too. The cuts are very deep-not long, but very deep, and they took about 15 minutes to clot. Self-induced hemorrhaging. Came late to Rousseau's.
And the fucking cherry on top is this: people offer to find me a date to make me go, but that makes it worse--translation: you're incapable of finding your own boyfriend. You are a fuck up. I have often wondered about going to prom and offing myself, and that is why I am not going. I am not being a dork, I am just trying to stop the inevitable--what may come, what will come. I'm trying to save my own life.
What's so wrong with me? Just please--what's wrong. The nerdiest guys in school have prom dates, but not me. I am not letting someone force a smelly nerd on me just to make me go and humiliate myself. Just tell me what people think about me that's so bad. What is so wrong with me?!
So I'm not going. I was planning to go and fuck it up for you, but why make all you happy, ditzy people sad? You think that it makes you real to say that you're the girl with the broken smile, but what about the girl who doesn't smile at all--the girl who sleeps with a razor under her pillow, knowing she could end it all in an instant but chooses to suffer on in hopes the next day might be brighter, and knowing it won't be? She is the one with courage--the courage to not do it. Dave (fucking dick) believes that suicide is the coward's way out, as exhibited in English today. Holy fuck, I never thought I'd actually relate to Death of a Salesman. Suicide is not a cowardly thing. I ask you, could you do it? You've got to be brave to off yourself, and you've got to be brave to not off yourself.
I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself. I won't yet. I'll just suffer on and hope that maybe you can have a little fun at my expense. I know I'm screwed up. I know I'm behind. But what is it that makes me feel so substandard? Am I really that much of a fuck, that people won't even ask me out?
I'm a fuck up. I don't care. I'm suffering on, just trying to go day by day. I am a Real Live Person, with Real Feelings. And you are all just pieces of plastic.
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Mar. 21st, 2005 @ 07:25 pm Holy Fuck, it's MR MURTOGG!!
Current Mood: spastic
Current Music: theme from "The Pink Panther" (thanks Matt)

Hmm, in what other film have I seen these two actors together?...

Oh that's right, it's MR. MURTOGG!!!! Haha. I'm having Neverland trippiness now :) Squee!! Holy crap! (I had a laughing spasm in the cineplex when this scene came on because I just saw him ^^ and giggled. "Hey mum, it's" *laugh laugh laugh* "Hey, it's" *laugh* "MR. MURTOGG!!!!") Disturbing the peace, whoops.

Now I've got Matt J to thank for permanently sticking the Pink Panther theme in my head. Oh well at least it's an improvement over the Oompa Loompa Song. *hits self in face* :) Just laughs.

I'm off to set something on fire, adieu mes amis americaines.

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Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 01:12 pm I am a Beatnik, of Sorts.
Current Mood: kerou-wacky
Current Music: the mars volta///the widow
Today is good. I'm feeling like a beatnik for some reason so I flow, man. *snaps fingers rhythmically* I cleaned my room, it's nice now! Ehm. So as of now I am worshiping Jack Kerouac. It makes me feel tres cultured to stroll around with my ancient copy of "on the road". There was an article about Kerouac (who was actually from Lowell! YAAAY!!) in the Metro paper today and it set me off. I excerpt a 'choice bit' for you:

"Kerouac's genius has opened literary doors for a variety of people ranging from Hunter S Thompson (Amber's note: God Rest your Soul, Good Doctor) to Bruce Springsteen to actor Johnny Depp, who reportedly paid 15,000 dollars for the writer's raincoat." Seems to me someone needs to get his priorities in order.

I haven't yet eaten anything but have run the coffee bill up. Starbucks Frappucinos are also God. To me, there's no reason to eat if you're built up energy with caffeine.
Tuesday is Neverland day and I'm buying a new box of tissues for the occasion.
Saw the Willy Wonka trailer--soooo scary, and sooooo funny. My mother is terrified of Tim Burton (mommy?) Tim + Johnny = splendid movies.
"I would do anything for Tim. If he wanted me to fuck an aardvark, I would do it."

My dog's a transvestite now. He has a little pink sweater. *laughs* That is all.
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Mar. 19th, 2005 @ 04:55 pm Ditziness is Good (in small quantities, of course)
Current Music: Relient K///Be My Escape
The Mars Volta = Good Band
Still in a very very Zen mood; more incense, more Coca-Colas. Last night I had to indulge my Mentally Ill obsession and watch Benny & Joon. Haha, touche and eat dirt earthlings.
Two Ditzyish Quotes from Depp Films:

Eric: So what did you do with him [Sam]? The river?
Benny: I took him home.
Eric: To your house?
Benny: Yeah, to my house.
-Benny & Joon

Mort: I'm gonna call you on the phone, okay?
-Secret Window

I'm trying to make a Murtogg-the-Dog icon right now but it's blowing horridly.
Ehm. Ehm. I almost crashed the car, near miss. On the subject, feel better Allie!!! Please!

Driving hour tomorrow. Watch out Lou, you are in trouble man!!
Ehm goodbye..ehm.
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Mar. 18th, 2005 @ 04:50 pm maybe things will go the right way today
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: liz phair///extraordinary
As of now, I feel like a beautiful human being.
It's Friday and I've got lots of incense burning. Last night I wrote and drew some shit. All in all I'm running the artistic line today. I feel very good. Very comfortable with everything right now, except for the fact that the signals might have been crossed in an instant-message.
Organized Clutter, that's all, and Rousseau was high in class. We were all high, but that makes it even better.

Why do I act like such a jerk around you?
Why can't I ever say things that I want to
I'm just so self-conscious and just so confused
Until I realised that it might be you too

Today is an extraordinary day, where I'm full of knowing exactly who I am. I'm going to go do something crazy. Take a bike ride in the snow, or something of equal caliber.
I just feel so aware.
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Mar. 16th, 2005 @ 04:03 pm Haha this is wicked trippy....
Current Mood: goofy
Current Music: goo-goo dolls///give a little bit
So the upside of life is that I'm probably going to rustle up my pink angora sweater and direct a one-act. I had a dream about Chemistry class, we were all having a crazy party and then the sprinklers went off and it was just effing weird.
I'm planning to ditch my oldish story, Blood Stone, and work on The Teller for a bit. Maybe post later, but if you dare plagiarize I'll pull a John Shooter and come after you all with screwdrivers.
Today HHS, Tomorrow the Sundance Film Festival! Hi-Ho, Silver (and Johnny's got his hand in his pants).

Don't trust me, I'm high.
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Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 02:10 pm *i did the BAD THING yesterday.*
Current Mood: listless
Current Music: nirvana///come as you are
Ha, so what a hypocrite I am. About 45 minutes after I finished my Livejournal venting yesterday, I did the Bad Thing, the Thing I am Not Supposed to Do. And I thought I was good. Honestly--three months without injuring myself, and then I haul off and attack my right leg. That's the way it usually is, that's how it goes. I think I'm finally free of my morbid little obsession and WHAM, razorblade out, whoops! Family argument, and I'm fucking hemmorhaging. There are nasty little bleeding scars up and down my calf. It looks like I've been attacked by werewolves, or rats, or...something.
The funny thing is, it doesn't even hurt when I'm in the process of doing it, it's just so friggin relaxing. But about an hour later it hits me, what the fuck have I done? I'm a goddamn pyschopath! I can't bear to look at my legs anymore. They look like a Jackson Pollock painting--white scar, pink scar, splat-boom-blood.
Other than that, I'm sick with a fever of 102 so I'm a little out of it. I'm going to stay home and have a pirate party tomorrow. *Nice Ed Wood icon describes me as of now* Total fuck up.
Just goddamn hospitalize me.
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Mar. 12th, 2005 @ 02:20 pm "Uh, Benny? Exactly how sick is she?"
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: "Have a Little Faith in Me"
So the past week's been bloody worthless. I'm going to get down to business and vent/rant here:
Today my mother insisted on giving me a Lecture about my "disorder". She says I am antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, agoraphobic, and any number of crap diagnostics she gets from Doctor Whats-his-Face. She has books and books about my "disorders". One time I set fire to one of them but it was useless; she then accused me of being a pyromaniac.
So what exactly do I do that is so wrong? I have bad eating habits. Usually I subsist on a diet of pure caffeine with some wheat-thins or pop tarts or celery thrown in. It makes me hyper but very spacey. I don't leave the house for days on end. One time I locked all of the doors and pulled down all of the windowshades and just sat alone. I don't like people coming too near me, it scares me. I don't like using the telephone, which is why I disconnected it. I like to injure myself. Mum doesn't really know about this yet but she suspects something, I'm sure of it. I like to sit outside in the snow for hours. Sometimes I sit upside down until all the blood goes to my head and I pass out. I like to do things my own way, period.
I was treated to a rant on how unsuccessful I will be as an adult. I will never be able to have a family, says dear old mummy, or live alone. She says I will be hospitalized and have to bag groceries at the dick store, Collella's. I can't go to college in the city because it is "dangerous" and I am too "naive". She says that someone (a nurse, apparently) will have to take care of me (thought: yay-boo, I get a Smail!!) Me, I don't want to be successful, I want to be happy. I want to paint and read and write and maybe work at a museum. I don't want to make money. I don't want to be classified as "sick" or "mentally ill". I just want to enjoy myself any way I can.
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Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 02:41 pm _film_claims_ is up and running!
Ahh god what have I done, I made a nifty little film-claim community, check it out, s'il vous plait!

_film_claims_ is the LJ username :)
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Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 04:24 pm If I ever grow up, I want to be a Pirate. If not, Peter Pan is fine.
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: five for fighting///100 years
Massachusetts Weather Blows.
We're being snowed shitless right now, which is a bitch of a thing, but oh vell and oi vay, I'm inside and happy and dry. Badminton sounds like a reprimand for a misbehaving article of clothing: BAD MITTEN! BAD MITTEN! BAD!!
Ehm so for a few nights I've been really Mort-ing myself sleepless and living on Coke. Coca Cola, that is. You nasty little conclusion-jumper, you! I'm re-re-rewriting my big big story for the third time. It is a pirate story. And no, I'm not just fanfictioning around with The Sex, I'd had my story floating about on the ancient Mackintosh for about 6 years already. I do like pirate stories. I mean, who doesn't want to be a pirate?! Um it's a snazzy pirate sort of thing. It's a rather epic-y type thing, big and very pretty. I have 8 full typed pages, size 11 font. If I ever publish something...that was it. Shit I can't stop myself from speaking in the Jack-cent. "Jaccent?" WOT! That is all, Capitan.
Kata's Jello Shots. I will make Jello Shots, hard shots.
Er I'm going to go freezy me jack-bummy to death. *speaks in high, the Shining-esque voice: ehm...BonBon!BonBon!*

"We're probably the only two 16-year-olds that use semi-colons in an instant-message conversation."
Right-on, Matt!!
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Mar. 7th, 2005 @ 07:20 pm Ha ha You know I am Fucked Up!!
Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: have a little faith in me

Lately the Obsession is BonBon from Before Night Falls, or namely the Ass of BonBon. *giggles*

Tell me you don't find that funny. I do! I really do!! But maybe I'm just a fuckup.

Okay enough of my sick-minded semipornographic rants, time for some emo!!

 

Your soul is a cigarette

Lit--smoldering gently

Breathe on it; I won't let it go out

Won't lose your sweet toxic smell--

Insanity, deep-hearted rage and blood

Your cigarette soul burns more than a bonfire.

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Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 03:37 pm I guess you can tell I'm having a weird day.
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: trailer music from "charlie & the chocolate factory"

That is all, thank you very much.

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Mar. 5th, 2005 @ 03:44 pm I have an Internal Sequin Issue...
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Knoxation///The You Suck Song
Umm so on Thursday I made my computer go to play a movie :) YAY! For Internal Sequin Issues!!
Friday, where do I start? Kata and I wanted to talk to the French Exchange students so we looked up phrases on the computer. "Je vous deteste!" "Je deteste le gens Francais!" Also, "get out of our country, bitch!" "Prostitutee..." my banger French lessons, major Unibrow Issues.
James goddamn it is not black and is Tyler a sausage-loving German Nazi official? Oh hell no one has a race anymore. Get a 'vie', James! S'il vous plait!
Bunch of French kids photocopying the dictionary, probably. Ms Williams screws over. "How's the photocopying going?" she asks the Frenchies. The blond French kid looks at the photocopier and says "Ehm...nine-teen." Parlez-vous anglais, s'il vous plait!!!
Friday night Katie & I met at Bill's Pizza before Battle of the Bands and spent a plate of French Fries debating if one of the Bill's employees resembles a slightly Mediterranean Orlando Bloom. Verdict: Yes. Spot the Tattoo is a fun game, aye aye capitan? Then froze our asses off walking to the Middle School for the Bands.
Well it was worth my five bucks I'll say that, worth it to see Matt J zooming around onstage in his socks and quite a bit of eyeliner, Hendrix-ing the guitar and doing headbanging Kurt Cobain would have envied.
Tom's Band, a Call to Arms, is too screamy and needs better lyrics. Talented but hopelessly blatant.
Knoxation was my favorite of the night. The Chap Stick song? They're so great in a whiny emo way, but "The You Suck Song" drove me insane. I danced on the arm rests of my chair. It was great.
Bill Doucette's Pink Floyd impersonation was great down to the British accent but I have to say that Caitlin's S's vocals were overpowering. Christian Miller was funnily great, and Chris A has amazing rocker hair. I wasn't really fond of the Loose Cannons, they are bigshots and...what is the word? Charlatans. Imposters, Posers. And stupid. Although VP Geary-stache getting onstage and trying to unplug their amps was v. funny.

"And it's awful how after all this
The one thing that you wanted's the one thing you miss
You thought you were ahead of the game
Your hopes sailed through the window and it's all the same
It's all the same again"
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Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 06:23 pm C'est la Vie in the World of the Terminally Insane
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)///the Proclaimers
Mum, Roy, and Cor are out at Track Banquet. Agoraphobe wot I am, I stay home. I've figured out how to make my computer play DVDs so in a bit I plan to indulge in Rolldance and OhNoCindy (Benny & Joon) Squee!
The French exchange students seem very shy. They talk to each other but not to any of us. But they have cool names. Manda: I saw the French students and they were talking 'Doop doop doop'. That's actually what they sound like. And they talk FAST!
I completely fucked my math quiz, aced español (considering I studied for negative five minutes) so it is flap on the grades.
Err wotelse? Friday is so bloody fuck nice. Battle of the bands...eeee!! Yay!
No shit elsewise.
I wrote James backwards notes in spanish. I taught myself reverse writing after reading the davinci code. I'm not on cursive yet but I hope to figure it out soon!

Ou est l'amour?

You scored as Johnny Damon. You are Johnny Damon!! You are very down-to-earth and like to joke around a lot. This is apparent through your appearance. You are known for looking unkempt, perhaps even caveman-like, but everyone loves you for it. Oh yea... Johnny is my homeboy!

</td>

Johnny Damon

97%

Manny Ramirez

83%

David Ortiz

73%

Curt Schilling

67%

Kevin Millar

63%

Theo Epstein

60%

Mark Bellhorn

50%

Jason Varitek

30%

Which Red Sox Player Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com


(and I bet Lila will take it :)
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Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 07:31 pm (no subject)
This made me laugh hysterically:

You scored as Sirius Black. You are a gifted wizard and very loyal to your allegiance. Whilst you have a big heart and care very much about those around you, you can be a little arrogant and reckless at times.

</td>

Sirius Black

100%

Harry Potter

95%

Severus Snape

85%

Remus Lupin

85%

Ginny Weasley

85%

Albus Dumbledore

70%

Draco Malfoy

70%

Ron Weasley

65%

Hermione Granger

65%

Lord Voldemort

15%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com


I'm 100% Sirius Black!! HA de HA de HA!
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Mar. 2nd, 2005 @ 06:37 pm la belle france??!
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: my chemical romance///i'm not okay
Today we were invaded by several monsieurs et mademoiselles de la belle France. My french is lousy but I'm trying. Apparently there were a few French exchange students who didn't understand the meaning of "wicked". I don't get it. People in our own country (outside of Massachusetts, that is) don't get what "wicked" means; how could the french??!!
The funny thing that happened today. I will script it out. We were just jamming in Rousseau's Trippy Land of Modern Art when Kammer comes in and talks to Bill Doucette.
KAMMER: Hey Bill, I want you to draw up some posters for the music video auditions. There doesn't need to be a girl in them, because I know you don't do girls.
BILL: Oh no, Mr. Kammer, I DO girls, I just don't DRAW them.
*Hysteria Ensues*
How is it that Kammer can be such a lax teacher and tolerate that sort of talk when Rousseau flipped his gadget when I stabbed myself with a pushpin and muttered "Shhhhtt!" Egads mydear!
Umm wot else goes by? I am going to fail my maths tomorrow, how splendid.
Er. Erer? Ed Wood must have his sweaters, eh!
Ah vell, adios.
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Mar. 1st, 2005 @ 07:29 pm Just parlez-ing my francais...
Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: war///low rider
I promised I would spread the word for Matt :) so it is http://www.riverbend-band.com
His band ^^ amazing :)

Snazzing along. Hope that Ms Aw will let us make rock candy in class, that would be banger. What else?? Umm. Early release tomorrow. So amazing.
22 Days till Finding Neverland DVD!
Can't think of anything else..
I set the Rolldance as my desktop background. All quiet here..

Also "Strippers? What? Strippers?" -Jon Curran during AP&D in response to a radio ad

My script is okeydokey so far. I fear I will be like the female Ed Wood. (without the sweaters!)

One last query perchance...why has the role of Peter Pan always been played by a girl? Ever since the first production it's been a girl. There is a production coming to Tremont Street soon, I might see it for kicks.
Oh well, c'est la vie. Bon soir, mes amis, and s'il vous plait visit le website. Adieu.
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